It seems the gift of dad jokery is something you inherit from your pops. Whether it’s through constant, wearisome exposure or just via the slow degradation of your own standards and sensibilities as parenthood marches up, on and over you is hard to say.
Regardless, today is Father’s Day, and we thought this a great opportunity to bring you 11 massive groaners from the past 70-plus years to share with those you love:
I think I want to quit my real estate job. I’d rather clean mirrors for a living. It’s just something I can see myself doing.
Wanna hear a joke about a stone? Never mind, I’ll just skip that one.
Son: “Dad, are you alright?”
Dad: “No, I’m half left and half right.”Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean? Because they’ve got to keep the ocean tide.
Daughter: “Dad, I’m cold.”
Dad: “Go stand in a corner. It’s 90 degrees.”Jimmy (reading facts and figures from his dad’s insurance tables): “Did you know that every time I breathe, a man dies?”
Dad: “Why don’t you use a little mouthwash now and then?”Did you hear the news that a lot of applications just came in from people looking to pursue a career as the government’s top-ranking medical official? Yes, there was a surge in general.
I’ve always admired fishermen. Now those are reel men.
“Have you heard of Murphy’s law?”
“Yeah.”
“What is it?”
“If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.”
“That’s right. Have you heard of Cole’s law?”
“No, what is it?”
“Thinly sliced cabbage and mayo.”What do you call a bad joke? This.